Ripon College Days

Ah, Ripon College in the fall. A time when the leaves start to change their colors, the first snow flurries arrive too early (or too late), and we students who have been here awhile try to remember the names of all these new students around here. Oh yes, I address my sage words of wisdom this week to you, new students, whether you be first year, transfer or that apparently no-longer-PC term "freshman."

What, you may ask, can Justin possibly warn me about that I have not already been told from my friendly OC, my student handbook I haven't read or the FYS golden hour I've skipped for the past three weeks? Well, 'tis a simple message, young one: keep it chill, lest you fall prey to "the sickness."

Oh yes, I am talking about Ripon Drama. Ripon Drama (RD) can strike anytime, anywhere. Whether brought on by alcohol, prolonged exposure to your roommate or the sudden realization that in this town the only thing that is 24 hours is the flu, Ripon Drama can wrest control of your social life fast. How can you tell if Ripon Drama has invaded your social life?

First, you feel the urge to share your drama with the entire campus at 2:41 a.m. Saturday night/Sunday morning. Sometimes, it's intermittently disrupted by unfortunate reminders of what you may have had to drink a few scant hours earlier. Usually this form of RD is brought on by the skeezy guy who danced up on you at the lounge party or how your current best friend was being a big, skanky ho earlier. Other symptoms of this particularly nasty form of Drama include wasting minutes on your cellular device calling your friends to explain the situation to them, throwing valuable possessions around your room and making probably false assessments of just how much that guy or gal was "into you." If you or anyone you know are exhibiting these symptoms of RD on a Friday, Saturday, hell ANY night nowadays, there is just one cure: tell them to shut up, get over it and realize that he/she is just not that into you. Or roll your eyes, tell them to go to bed, and go sleep in until brunch on Sunday.

Another particularly nasty form of RD sets in around break times. This form of the sickness is usually accompanied by the sudden feeling that Ripon has officially gotten to be too small for your liking. Perhaps mildly irritated at the fact that everyone knows what (or who) you did Saturday night. You may notice that people are catching this infection when party noises are heard at times they really shouldn't be, like 3:14 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon. Yes, the "Ripon is too-small" strain of the RD sickness is particularly malignant in its ability to make you neglect homework because you just don't care anymore, the manner in which it removes all flavor from the Commons food and its habit of causing you to justify your party habits with ridiculous reasons.

Remedies for this malady? Tell the infected person to sit down and do their homework, or suggest an impromptu trip to Oshkosh to patronize the great Wal-Mart gods.

Be cautious around this time of year, my friends. Those of us seasoned Riponites have become old pros (for the most part) on dealing with the Ripon Drama disease. We've learned to "deal," the only true way to beat the RD blues. Please, if you feel the first bouts of any these symptoms setting in, seek medical attention quickly. And by medical attention I mean a cool dose of "chill."

Now, enough from me, I have to go check my Facebook messages and witness the latest Starbucks protest. I hear the protesters have colorful posters this time. Score!

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