Ripon College Days

There is a classic episode of Seinfeld where the Elaine character is mocked for her unique form of dancing. After watching it recently, I thought to myself, what does my dancing look like, and do others mock me for it? Well, of course they do, any time I engage in physical activity it is hilarious, so naturally my dancing must be out of control. But what about the rest of Ripon? Surely with all these sophisticated, svelte characters we have on campus we must be a melting pot of dances. After much serious professional and investigative reporting into the dance scene, I present you, dear readers, with my findings.

In high school, men and women spend hours and copious amounts of money preparing themselves for a few hours of mating dances and after parties. In other words, prom. College has a similar beast, cleverly disguised as the "formal." A time when we college students can reassure ourselves that our colorful plumage can still attract those around us through a complex series of gyrations. This is one of the primary outlets for dancing on campus. Here at formal we can bust out a wide variety of gettin'-jiggy-with-its.

There is the "old school" dancer. A person whose stock fall back dances include the lawn mower, sprinkler and funky monkey. Usually, this dance is accompanied by something from the Monster 80's soundtrack, but can ascend to the humorous level when coupled with some hip and or hop from Chingy.

There is the "show" dancer (no, there are no tassels involved with this particular show, get your mind out of the gutter), a person who believes that they can dance quite well, as if in some rRRUMBA-induced euphoria. They fling their partner around the dance floor pell-mell with no regard to the innocent bystanders and party cup-holding hands around them.

I would be remiss to not mention the "lounge party" dancer. There are two subcategories to this dancer type, and they both transcend gender lines. These two types would be either the "bump" or the "grind," so named for that is what they do. The bump, well, bumps and the grind, grinds. When paired with another human being they often resemble some new-age butter churn or perhaps a new Heimlich maneuver. When not paired with anyone, and they merely bump and grind with the wall, they are sadly hilarious.

Finally, I discovered two other dancer types. One is the "basement" dancer. This is a person who couples dancing with verbal expression, often a slow head nod while philosophizing on the greatness of Dylan and Marley.

The last is the "car" dancer. This person develops strong arm muscles as they jerk their arms and necks around while cruising the streets. Pop beats work especially well for this dancer, as singing "Slave 4 U" while nearly side-swiping a semi usually makes the trip to Oshkosh pretty quick.

So, who cares what dancer type you are. Whether you are an Elaine or anything I mentioned above, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you have fun looking like a dork while doing it. Now, if you'll excuse me, the sweet beats of "Don't Cha" are calling out to me. I think the Mashed Potato needs to be busted out for this one.

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