Ripon College Days

Dear Auntie,

I'm rooming with a guy I don't know too well, but he is quiet and nice and I had no close friend so we got together. We get along OK. He stays in a lot, doesn't see any girls and doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. He spends a lot of time on the internet, and that's where I have a problem. I have noticed that he is spending time looking at girls. I mean young girls. They must be 8 to 10 years old and these are nude pictures. They aren't doing anything wrong in the ones I have seen. They just stand there and look cute. But he usually switches the screen when I am around, so I don't know what he is looking at the rest of the time. Should I worry? Should I do anything? Should I try to sneak onto his computer when he is not around to see what he has there? Should I tell the dorm counselor, the dean, or the police? It is illegal to look at such young kids, isn't it?

I'm really uncertain what I should do?

Perplexed (name withheld by request)

I'm trying to think of a way that makes your roommate's hobby at all innocent or OK.

I'm coming up dry.

I'm guessing that this isn't part of a school-sanctioned art project or some strange family photo album, and while the girls might not be doing anything besides "standing and looking cute," something tells me (and clearly tells you) that there is probably more to this than meets the eye. Go with your gut. Standard rule of thumb for those confused about the ethicality of nude pictures of children: If you can't have it developed at Walgreen's, it's probably not safe to go looking for it on the internet. There is something clearly wrong here, and it's now your responsibility (as one of the few people close enough to him to know his habits) to get this information to proper channels for help.

There are warning flags popping up all over, Perplexed. It's interesting that you mention that he's a loner. Nothing wrong with that brilliant and fascinating people we meet don't do well at parties, and that's fine. However, if your roommate is hiding behind his computer primarily to avoid social contact, he may soon find himself addicted to his computer and his social/sexual outlet in internet pornography. As for viewing pornography while in college-- well, it's a whole different ethical issue, but suffice it to say that free internet in a college dorm room makes fertile ground for cyber-exploration. It's not uncommon. If left unchecked and if not replaced by other activities, however, pornography may become an addiction. Like any addiction, your roommate may be moving into the stage where he's looking for edgier, more extreme or more taboo porn to keep the level of excitement up. Even if he's just curious, it's not long before curiosity will push him into looking at more risque shots of young girls. Consider the nude shots a gateway drug more dangerous addiction down the road. The fact that he's already to nude shots puts him on a very slippery slope to viewing more extreme pictures; if he's addicted it's only a matter of time. It's interesting that he's even let you see as much as you have seen when it's not facing your way.

Now, for what to do: Don't break into his computer. It's not right, and could get you into trouble later if you're logging onto sites if he's not around you while using his computer to view these pictures yourself. You seem to be compatible as roommates but not particularly close, so you really can't bring this up in person, and it's too sensitive a subject to make light jokes. I might skip your hall director for now and make an appointment directly with a counselor, who would have more experience with spotting addictions and destructive/delinquent behavior. She may advise you to talk to the hall director afterwards, so that he/she can keep an eye on your roommate (encouraging him to go to more activities, or just stopping by to chat.) The counselor can decide what should be done given your roommate's history, but you need to let someone know now to keep your roommate from turning an "innocent" hobby into criminal activity.

Still not sure if this is your problem to solve? It's important to know that 35-40% of people who deal in child pornography act out their fantasies in real life. This is no longer a Good Samaritan act on your part; it is your responsibility as one of the few people able to spot a potential predator risk in your roommate. With any luck, your roommate's case is mild and correctable, but it's your job to get him proper help.

Good luck to you.

Article Tools